Quarter Life Crisis

I have barely completed 1/4 of my time here, yet I have already experienced a crisis. More like a discovery, a transitional experience.

I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do when I graduated, and I ended up working in one of the most competitive industries. In my first job, I was often working 80–100 hours, working on challenging projects, and had the chance to interface with many talented people. I made really high salary (for a new grad), and I would say this is a job that many would be envious of.

However, deep inside, I was unsatisfied. The work gradually became routine — just endless slides of fancy charts, and spreadsheets so large that it often slowed down the computer. I felt intellectually limited as I became reduced to an execution machine. Work prioritized completion rather than understanding; my input was neither valued or welcomed. Gradually, I also became cognizant of the work environment, and the work culture. I watched as my managers and senior bosses stabbed each other in the back for deal-flow and higher year-end bonus. I became aware of my “teammates” who would joust to get on the better projects, and an endless cycle of hiding from the team staffer.

At the first opportune moment, I left and never looked back. In the years since, I often would catch up with former peers who have gone on to be promoted, or moved on to better shops. In this endless treadmill that we mistake for life, I was falling behind. I did not end up earning as much salary in the early years, and I was missing out on the status and lifestyle that other people I knew were enjoying.

But I gained something for myself: a realization, an understanding. I finally figured out what I loved doing, and understood myself well-enough to know where I would fit in. I know a field where my boundless curiosity and intuition can be applied on a day-to-day basis, a place where creative thinking and experimentation is rewarded. As I became more fascinated with this field, I was surprised at the time, effort and focus that came so naturally for me to embrace.

This story does not have a happy ending yet, but rather it’s still at the beginning. I know the path will not be smooth as with all things, but I am approaching this with a level of focus and devotion that I have never experienced before.